Choose to Swim
Literally jumping dorktastically for joy today.
I find myself unable to string words together at the moment. Giggles and squeals seem to be all I can muster as the joy in my chest has me leaping around in - oh you know it - the dorkiest of dance moves and the highest cut of granny panties. 💁♀️
I am struggling to believe this life of mine is my own - in love, engaged, stable, employed, healthy, truly hopeful.
Four and a half years ago, during my 21st psychiatric hospitalization, part of me really did believe the doctors were right and I was off to a psychiatric hospital in western Massachusetts to farm and raise chickens.
The important thing to note though, was that it was only a part of me that believed that. The other part of me, the part I chose to honor, was the voice that said, “kate, they are wrong. They may be doctors but you are the expert on yourself and you have the power to do anything you choose to. You just have to believe it and work for it. Every. Single. Day.”
Those exact words were actually written in my journal four and a half years ago during that hospital stay and I could not be more grateful that I chose that path of work and that choice of recovery.
I’ll be the first to say it: Recovery is not all like this - this joy, this light, this act of leaping around in gooftastic glee. You know it too, whether from your own experiences of hardship or from those I’ve shared.
Recovery is work. Recovery is hard. Recovery is a choice, a choice we must make every day.
Recovery is the act of always choosing to swim, no matter the size of the surf or hurricane at hand.
Today, as I float and frolic blissfully on calm seas with the sun shining fully on my face, I write myself this:
Although the seas will always turn,
Just like the weather of your mind.
And although the Hurricanes will return,
and you will almost drown again.
the sunlight shines and the waves only lap at your toes,
So let it all in.
Is because you always chose
Even in the tsunamis of your mind,
So sweet human,
May you always
May you always
Choose to swim.