You are Worth Fighting For
You are worth fighting for, no matter how dark it is right now.
I sat in my old therapists office slumped deep in the leather couch. “Kate, we are at the end of the road. Your hallucinations and suicidality are so severe that you are a liability to any non-residential care program. It’s time to look at long term treatment programs.” My snark jabbed with bite, “You mean a locked long term psych ward. Call it what it is. At least do me that god damn curtesy.”
His head bowed. He was dying from cancer and I - his most cherished patient was dying from a poisoned mind and misdiagnosis though neither of us knew it.
He paused with grace, ‘Yes Kate, you’re right. I owe you the truth. It would be a locked psych ward but the one I’m thinking of is actually also a farm. The residents - when they prove they are well enough - care for animals and the garden.
A glimmer of light danced in my eyes. “Are there dogs?!”
“I don’t know, I’ll look into it.”
I left the session defeated - destined to a ward. I went home and did what I always did - I wrote. Self expression was all I had left - the only thing that this illness had not yet ravaged - and gosh, did I know hot to celebrate it.
“Well, it’s happening. It is actually happening. No new outpatient therapist will take me so I fear it might be time to go in. The freedom is about to be stripped away. At first, I lost my mind and now, the very choice to move and live and act in this body of mine - it’s about to be gone too.”
The passage continued and the words, lost to a downpour of tears are forever lost. The last line though, read crystal clear.
“At least there will be dogs. Yes, they can take my freedom but at least I will be blessed with one of the world’s greatest gifts there - dogs.”
Tomorrow, in Tompkins Square Park in New York City from 1pm-3pm, me and my incredible team will be celebrating dogs.
Come join if you care to and regardless of if you do or you don’t, may you forever remember - YOU KNOW YOU BEST and YOU ARE WORTH FIGHTING FOR, no matter how dark it is right now.